80s fashion: a touchy subject (Part 2)

Working it: Joan owns her Big Hair 

Please, don't make 80s fashion a Never-Ending Story. 
The ozone layer is in enough trouble.
Here's Part 2 of the Don't Touch This (DTT) list.
Man perm/New Romantic mullet combo: John Farnham, Iva Davies and Michael Hutchence  gave the mullet a red hot go for Australia. The rest of the world was represented by most of the men, and some of the women, who took part in Live Aid. Duran Duran was a perm super group, as every member embraced the new wave. 
It was crazy hair for crazy times. But it never needs to be that crazy again. 
Think of the children.
Bleached hair tips (for men): Foil freaks included Howard Jones, Limahl, Don Johnson and Whamsters George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley. Wham's contribution is best appreciated in the Club Tropicana video clip as Ridgeley's hair frosting clashes with Michael's white budgie smugglers (another DTT candidate, by the way).
Enormous hair (for women): There is nothing wrong with big hair. Cyndi Lauper still rocks the big do as does Siouxsie Sioux.  Amy Winehouse's beehive was sublime and Rhianna is keeping the dream alive. 
But if you already have big hair and you think a  perm  is a good idea, think again. 
I didn’t. 
My mid-80s spiral perm looked good for about two weeks ... tops. A male  admirer commented at the time that I looked like Nicole Kidman. That is, Nic in BMX Bandits (1983). I was flattered then; not so much now. If you don’t believe me, have a look at Working Girl (preferably rent it on video ... Beta or VHS) and see if you think Melanie Griffith’s or Joan Cusack’s dos have travelled well.
The 'Lady  Di' hairstyle: If you want to look like the kindly organist at a county church, go for it. But it’s creepy if you are just 17.
Man makeup:  I’m not talking about a hint of guy-liner and a smudge of  mancake.  I’m talking a full face of slap (see Adam Ant, the Cure’s Robert Smith, Boy George, Nick Rhodes and Marilyn – not Manson, just Marilyn. Google him, he’s fancy). Basically, it belongs on a stage. It looks acceptable in a spotlight – or headlights. But if I saw a youngster wearing it in the supermarket I would get out 20cents and wait for him to start his little mime act.
If you decide this is the path for you,  stop wearing it when you reach 30, unless you are a serial killer or a bona fide sad clown.
Alarmingly, the horse has bolted on a few DTT items: Canvas slip-on shoes in jaunty colours for blokes, male skinny jean, and the pastel suit/no shirt combo.

Kids, disregard this advice at your peril.
Go forth and create your own fashion catastrophes.
Choose right, because guilty feet have no rhythm - and that's a really, really bad look.